Jose Canseco is the Kanye of baseball Twitter—always entertaining, occasionally terrifying, and prone to manic, obsessive fits following days, and even weeks, of dormancy. After a recent failure to get Kramerica, er, Canseco Industries off the ground (including Bigfoot tours, alien excursions, and, yes, even golf) via the little blue bird, this week the former As slugger set his sights on a new pet project: Tim Tebow.
It all began innocently enough, with Canseco reaching out to Tebow following the most famous Met's first two hits of Spring Training on Monday, offering backhanded compliments and swing pointers aplenty.
But when Tebow didn't respond—perhaps because he never tagged him, but just spitballing here—Canseco plunged headlong into multi-day, multi-tweet vortex, hoping to neg Tebow so thoroughly and viciously that he would eventually break down and start working with the MLB Alex Jones as opposed to the (somewhat) professional baseball team he's currently rostered on. Bold move, Cotton, as they say.
OK, so there's an Antarctic expedition worth of stuff to unpack here, but the real highlight is Canseco's related claims that he can A. hit a softball 500 feet at 55 years old and B. use that very niche (and dubious) ability to help Tebow hit 40 major league home runs. Not even Christopher Lloyd's freaking ghost could help Tebow hit 40 homers in the bigs, but leave it to Canseco to write checks no earthly being can cash. Which reminds us, how's the Bigfoot search coming along, Jose?