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Suns Out, Guns Out

Sunday was a BIG day for shirtless March Madness hi-jinx

March 21, 2022

By now you’re painfully aware that March Madness is in full swing. In a matter of a couple of days, you’ve gone from excited, to interested, to despondent, to fully checked out as your brackets have busted and betting coiffers emptied. That isn’t the case for the teams who have battled their way to the Sweet Sixteen, however. For them, the dream is still alive. The hype is still real. Anything is PAWSABALLLLL! This includes the Houston Cougars, who could be seen celebrating their second-round win over Illinois by dousing shirtless 66-year-old ball coach Kelvin Sampson in bubbly purified tap water on Sunday. Take it away, you psychos.

The BPI loves Houston, ranking them second behind overall number-one seed Gonzaga despite their five-seed status. That makes them a very dangerous team moving forward, especially in the South Region with Arziona looking mortal and Tennessee already eliminated. If that isn't worth tearing the top off in the locker room with the boys, then we don't know what is.

It wasn’t the only shirtless-old-guy tidbit from the tourney on Sunday, however. Before tipoff of Auburn-Miami, Tigers alum and all-time foot-in-mouther Charles Barkley declared that if Auburn won, he would take off his shirt on live television. Mercifully the Canes routed the second-seeded Tigers, prompting Miami coach Jim Larranga to issue this statement after the game.

Crisis averted. Don’t scramble the fighter jets just yet.

On that note, let us end with a plea for common sense and common good: We know it’s March. Spring is here. Temps are on the rise. Buzzer beaters are falling and so are the blue bloods. Everybody everywhere wants to put the top down and feel the wind in their hair, but can we all agree to keep our shirts on ... at least until the Final Four?