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The sickos at Duke’s Mayo will give $10,000 to charity if the winning coach of the Duke’s Mayo Bowl gets a mayonnaise bath

December 06, 2021

The Gatorade bath. A football tradition as old as football … or at the very least Gatorade. It doesn’t matter how cold it is, how much you won by, or whether it’s Cool Blue or Fruit Punch, after a big win, the ol’ ball coach has to keep their head on a swivel lest they be drenched by a cooler of sticky electrolyte sugar water. Gross? For sure, but it pales in comparison to the stunt Duke’s Mayo is pulling ahead of this year’s hotly anticipated Duke’s Mayo Bowl.

Go ahead and watch that video if you want, but deep down in the pit of your stomach you already know what horror awaits: The dreaded mayonnaise bath. Last year, the sick bastards over at Duke’s couched this as a joke, but this year they’re going through with it. If the winning team douses their head coach in a vat of mayonnaise following the game, Duke’s will donate $10,000 to that school’s charity of choice. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to go retch until one of our eyes pops out.

This is worse than one of those sadistic traps from the ‘Saw’ movies where you have to decide whether to let some working mother get decapitated or save yourself by crawling across a room full of used needles. There is no right answer. There is only the rock and the hard place. If you do it, you have committed one of the greatest culinary atrocities in human history, but $10,000 goes to help sick kids. If you don’t, you can go on living your life blissfully free of condiment PTSD, but someone in need goes hungry. Twisted doesn’t begin to describe it.

As for the coaches in peril, on one sideline you have South Carolina’s Shane Beamer—son of legendary Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer—and on the other North Carolina’s Mack Brown. So no matter which way the mayo jar tips, college football royalty is getting drenched. Suffice to say, take the under. We suspect both teams will be playing to lose.