Rejoice, America, for it is the most wonderful time of the year! No, we're not talking about the holidays. Those are a catastrophe. We are talking about college football bowl season, that magical time of year when the halls are decked with wall-to-wall college football. But be warned, merry revelers, not all bowl games are created equal. In fact, with 40 on tap between now and January, the chances you're watching an actual Crappy College Football Bowl Game™ RIGHT NOW are high. But how do you know? Just follow your heart, of course! And if that fails (it almost always fails), just ask yourself one of our handy, dandy Crappy College Football Bowl Game survey questions. If you answer yes to three or more, it might be time to turn off the TV, put on some pants, and maybe, just maybe join your family for dinner.
Are the coaches wearing Hawaiian shirts?
Are there more people on the sidelines than in the stands?
Did the players' parents not bother showing up?
Are you not 100% positive what each team's mascot is?
Is there a grown man dressed like a bloomin' onion?
Is the bowl named after a product you can buy at Walmart?
Is that product a lawnmower?
Is one team best known for having a turnover prop?
Is that prop a potentially fatal weapon?
Is Beth Mowins calling the game? (Sorry, Beth)
Did Gus Johnson just nod off?
Is it on CBS Sports Network?
Is an ACC team not named Clemson involved?
Are you a Notre Dame fan?
Is the best player on the field sitting out to protect his XFL draft status?
Does the stadium exclusively host monster truck rallies and Hootie & The Blowfish concerts?
Are you watching it in an Applebee's on mute?
Are there a total of 12 wins . . . between both teams?
Is the national anthem being sung by some guy who just won a raffle in the parking lot?
Is it the Senior Bowl? (Admit it, it's the Senior Bowl.)