What should your college football team's "Turnover Chain" be?

September 10, 2019
COLLEGE FOOTBALL: SEP 08 Savannah State at Miami

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We all remember the original Turnover Chain right? Unveiled in a distant, sepia-tinged age called "2017," the Turnover Chain was an innocent way to make the Miami Hurricanes feel relevant again, donning it after every takeaway while The U faithful lost what little of their minds they had left. Miami's football prospects have since dimmed, but the Turnover Chain's have only surged, spawning a slew of proteges, knock-offs, imitators, and updates, from the Turnover Cane and Turnover Pencil to the mighty TURNOVER CHAINSAWWWWW.

With seemingly every passing day, a new iteration of the Turnover [insert everyday household item here] appears, pushing the once quaint celebration to its logical limits. So before the turnover trend drops the Turnover Toaster in the Turnover Tub, we decided to come up with a few ideas for America's biggest, and most turnover celebration-less, college football programs. ADs of America, we hope you're paying attention.

Harvard: Turnover Bound First-Edition of The Federalist Papers

Nothing says football like the building blocks of our constitution! [Gets blindsided by opposing linebacker]

Wisconsin: Turnover Badger

Like a live one. Everybody got their rabies shots, right?

Michigan: Turnover Ruler

So they can keep remeasuring that J.T. Barrett 4th down for the next 100 years.

Rutgers: Turnover Void

A clever flip of the formula: Each time the Rutgers offense gifts the ball to the opposing team, the defense gets to stare into the Turnover Void and ask themselves why, dear God, why.

Notre Dame: Turnover Bible

The offense giveth and the defense taketh away.

Stanford: Turnover Ornament

For every turnover, the Stanford defense earns an ornament that they hang on the Stanford Tree. Get three, and you put the star on top. I actually think this is a good idea. I am an idiot.

Oregon State v Stanford

Brian Bahr

Nebraska: Turnover Corn on the Cob

Pairs well with Touchdown Floss.

Texas: Turnover McConaughey

Just pass around Matthew McConaughey. Bonus points if he's shirtless.

Army: Turnover Bazooka

RIP Navy.

UCLA: Turnover Headshots

We heard Spielberg is in the luxury box...

Baylor: Turnover Chaperone

Lights out at 11, gentleman.

Alabama: Turnover Little Debbie

The breakfast of champions Nick Saban.

Tennessee: Turnover Antidepressant

Ohio State: Turnover Horseshoe

Concussions to go up 25%.

Florida State: Turnover Spear

Just throw it through Willie Taggart's heart and hire a better coach. Trust me, it's gonna be a smash hit.