What should your college football team's "Turnover Chain" be?
We all remember the original Turnover Chain right? Unveiled in a distant, sepia-tinged age called "2017," the Turnover Chain was an innocent way to make the Miami Hurricanes feel relevant again, donning it after every takeaway while The U faithful lost what little of their minds they had left. Miami's football prospects have since dimmed, but the Turnover Chain's have only surged, spawning a slew of proteges, knock-offs, imitators, and updates, from the Turnover Cane and Turnover Pencil to the mighty TURNOVER CHAINSAWWWWW.
With seemingly every passing day, a new iteration of the Turnover [insert everyday household item here] appears, pushing the once quaint celebration to its logical limits. So before the turnover trend drops the Turnover Toaster in the Turnover Tub, we decided to come up with a few ideas for America's biggest, and most turnover celebration-less, college football programs. ADs of America, we hope you're paying attention.
Harvard: Turnover Bound First-Edition of The Federalist Papers
Nothing says football like the building blocks of our constitution! [Gets blindsided by opposing linebacker]
Wisconsin: Turnover Badger
Like a live one. Everybody got their rabies shots, right?
Michigan: Turnover Ruler
So they can keep remeasuring that J.T. Barrett 4th down for the next 100 years.
Rutgers: Turnover Void
A clever flip of the formula: Each time the Rutgers offense gifts the ball to the opposing team, the defense gets to stare into the Turnover Void and ask themselves why, dear God, why.
Notre Dame: Turnover Bible
The offense giveth and the defense taketh away.
Stanford: Turnover Ornament
For every turnover, the Stanford defense earns an ornament that they hang on the Stanford Tree. Get three, and you put the star on top. I actually think this is a good idea. I am an idiot.
Nebraska: Turnover Corn on the Cob
Pairs well with Touchdown Floss.
Texas: Turnover McConaughey
Just pass around Matthew McConaughey. Bonus points if he's shirtless.
Army: Turnover Bazooka
UCLA: Turnover Headshots
We heard Spielberg is in the luxury box...
Baylor: Turnover Chaperone
Lights out at 11, gentleman.
Alabama: Turnover Little Debbie
The breakfast of champions Nick Saban.
Tennessee: Turnover Antidepressant
Ohio State: Turnover Horseshoe
Concussions to go up 25%.
Florida State: Turnover Spear
Just throw it through Willie Taggart's heart and hire a better coach. Trust me, it's gonna be a smash hit.