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The Loop

Bill's Balls

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Bill Belichick is a paintball assassin

March 25, 2021

Mark Brown

None of us, no matter how enlightened, can behold the true breadth of Bill Belichick. It's like staring straight into the sun. We cannot unravel his circuitous labyrinth of self anymore than we can conceive of the space beyond space. It surpasses the reach of body and mind. It is quiet and cold. Or perhaps not cold at all, but warm like a spring breeze through a screen door. Who are we, mere mortals, to say?

So we, the general football public, must content ourselves with knowing that there is no knowing Bill Belichick. As more and more reports have rolled in over the years, however, one thing has become clear: There is far more to ol’ Billy Boy than meets the eye. Just ask Patriots’ all-decade defensive lineman Lawrence Guy, who stopped by the Endless Hustle podcast this week to discuss a side of Belichick yet unseen:

Paintball assassin.

Perhaps this doesn’t come as a surprise. If we asked you what a guy who looks like this does for fun on the weekends, capping fools with a Tippmann 98 Custom (yeah, I dabbled back in the day) is probably pretty high up the list.

But still, at the very least it’s an amusing anecdote. At the very most, another glimpse at the man beneath the myth beneath the legend. Bill Belichick: Dog lover, Nantucket socialite, paintball commando. Don’t let the monotone fool you, that is some serious range.