Sweet Fancy Moses

Behold the worst sequence in the history of organized basketball

February 4, 2019

Free-flowing, back-and-forth basketball is a beautiful thing. Just ask Mike D'Antoni. That (and James Harden) is the reason he's still coaching the Houston Rocket instead of FGCU. As appealing it may be at full flow, however, the game is just as bad when it breaks down—morphing from poetry-in-motion to a slapstick Madlib in the blink of an eye. This is where we pick up the plot of the Tennessee Lady Vols and Vanderbilt on Sunday, a game notable not for its protagonists nor result, but for featuring what may well be the worst sequence in organized basketball history. Viewer discretion is advised:

To quote one George Costanza upon witnessing Elain Benes' dancing for the first time: Sweet. Fancy. Moses. This is not just bad, it's so bad it's good. The highlowlight opens with a missed layup off the UNDERSIDE of the rim, and only devolves from there, sweeping viewers up in its wacky tangle of limbs and athletic futility. Tennessee misses THREE layups in a single possession, two of which carom of the bottom of the backboard. But not content to let the Vols have all the fun, Vandy then takes the ball and pushes it up the court on the fast break. When two Tennessee players inexplicably take each other out at the three-point line, the lane opens up for a cotton candy rainbow of lay-ups...which is then promptly bricked off the underside of the rim. Yes, AGAIN.

In the 22 seemingly interminable seconds of "basketball" that this video documents, there are five field goal attempts, one loose-ball scramble, a fast break, and exactly zero points scored. It should also be noted that this sequence begins exactly 25 seconds after tip-off and that Tennessee went on to score 82 points. Literally nothing about this clip makes sense, and that's precisely why it's so great and/or terrible and/or terribly great. So settle in, crack a beer, and enjoy the absurdity once more...only this time, don't forget the "Yakety Sax."

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