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The last paragraph of this Arkansas State assistant basketball coach’s resignation letter is a mic drop for the ages

Some folks retire and other folks retire. Some ride off into the sunset never to live a life of peace and quiet, others turn up the Alice Cooper, kick open the front door, and do donuts in the parking lot. It’s just a matter of personal taste. Arkansas State assistant basketball coach Mike Scutero, however, is a fascinating hybrid. On one hand, he’s stepping away from the Red Wolves to spend more time with his family. This is a key feature of Retirement Type 1. On the other, he’s done so by dropping one of the wildest closing paragraphs in resignation-letter history. Strap in tight, people. This is one hell of a rollercoaster.

We haven’t seen a final-act plot twist like that since Leo DiCaprio found out he was the crazy guy all along. At first it’s your standard-issue stuff. Thanks for the opportunity. I loved my time here. My players were my family. Yadda yadda yadda. It sounds for all the world like Scutero is just taking a better position somewhere else, but then it takes a hard left turn.

“Lastly,” he says. “I would like to announce that I have decided to get out of coaching and college athletics completely with a desire to truly pour into my two boys as they grow up.”

OK, a worthy endeavor, a little TMI but understandable enough. But then comes the stinger ...

“Our family is excited to say we will still be calling Jonesboro home, as I have accepted a position as sales manager at the Embassy Suites.”

That’s it. That’s the sign off, the mic drop, the exclamation point, the last college basketball will ever hear of Mike Scutero. You may laugh, you may sneer, but it’s absolutely iconic. The complete and utter lack of self-consciousness. The 115% commitment to his chosen path. These are things we can all aspire to, whether we’re running for president or booking bar mitzvahs at the local Embassy Suites.

Speaking of which, do they happen to be hiring? We know a fella by the name Krzyzewski who might be looking for some work.