It's been 21 long, excruciating years since Top Of The Muffin To You!—the muffin-top-only breakfast empire of Elaine Benes and Mr. Lippman—folded in the wake of a messy discarded stump scandal. But now, as America continues its ongoing crusade to make real life mimic pop culture and not the other way around, McDonald's is finally picking up the blueberry baton, rolling out muffin tops for real on Thursday.
McDonald's now has sole ownership of the fast food frontier, but not all is golden beneath the Golden Arches. Talking to TMZ earlier this week, former Seinfeld writer and the brains behind the minimal muffin movement, Spike Ferensten, demanded [full Dr. Evil voice] $1 billion dollars from the "f—k it, we gotta eat somewhere" giant. But don't worry, Ferensten expressed desire to use that money for good, saying he plans to buy a bigger car collection than Jerry Seinfeld and fund his podcast "Cars and Coffee," which seems to have a little something to do with his former boss as well.
As this all plays out in the Supreme Court probably, head down to your local Dairy Queen, where cash-stuffed frozen bananas have been added to the menu just in time for summer.