Take A Lap
July 01, 2020

This is it, this is the dumbest sports conversation of all time

If there was any doubt that the NFL is the greatest content machine there is, the New England Patriots signing of Cam Newton completely erased it. This week alone, we’ve gotten two posts out of it, three if you count this one. Newton in New England will be one of the main subjects of sports radio shows for at least another week and possibly beyond. If the 2020 season actually happens, No. 1 starting or not starting under center will be the No. 1 storyline.

Unfortunately, that means everybody has to have an opinion on it, including Felger & Mazz, the two hosts of what has to be the worst sports radio talk show in the United States of America. We’ve written about them before, and even used an identical headline structure to describe their awfulness. I don’t even feel a little bad about using it again for the clip you’re about to watch.

Below, you’ll see this dynamic duo of dumb discuss how Belichick simply will not tolerate Newton’s “Superman” act, or any of his other eccentricities. Please, enjoy (just kidding. Please just try to make it to the end):

Right off the bat you know what kind of intelligence we’re dealing with here. Never mind the fact he confused “dapping” with “dabbing,” I’d rather focus on Felger prefacing everything with “even something as simple and innocuous as..” and then proceeding to turn completely red over something he claimed was simple and innocuous. Makes sense!

But where it really takes a hilarious turn is each of them arguing that “they don’t want you doing that here.” “That” being touchdown dances, showing emotion, screaming “LET’S GOOOOOOOO” to the crowd in an extremely high-pitched voice, spiking the football so hard into the ground it bounces into Row 12. That kinda stuff:

As some have asked in the replies, have these guys ever actually watched the Patriots? Not to mention this clip of Belichick saying that you “should be excited when you make a play,” which is now making the rounds:

There was also this beauty from NFL analytics guru Warren Sharp, who spliced together clips of Cam giving little kids footballs and clips of Patriots touchdown celebrations with the Felger & Mazz discussion. Chef’s Kiss:

Incredible. Pray for these two when Newton finds the end zone for the first time in 2020.