Tearjerker
July 01, 2020

We found it, the most heartbreaking response to the cancellation of minor league baseball yet

Well, the inevitable has inevitabled. On Tuesday, word came down that minor league baseball, long rumored to be cancelled, had been, you guessed it, cancelled. It was a huge blow for many. For the players, who have been kept afloat by crappy ham sandwiches and donations from their major league brethren; for the ballpark staff, who rely on that income summer-in, summer-out; and of course for the fans, especially in the distance between MLB mile markers where a local minor league team might be the only live baseball kids grow up watching. But of all the actual lives affected by the MLB’s decision, perhaps none was hit harder than Trenton Thunder bat dog Rookie. Folks, if you’re feeling a little fragile this morning, you might want to skip this one.

Damn Rookie, why'd you have to do us like that? I mean good lord, have you ever seen a sadder tweet? Christ, it’s like we just watched the end of 'Furious 7' in here. You know, when Vin Diesel and Paul Walker drive off in separate directions while that Wiz Khalifa song plays and you’re holding on to your bottom lip for dear life so your girlfriend won't see you crying at a 'Fast & Furious' movie?

OK, now that we got that out of our system, we will say that yes, obviously there are bigger issues at play here than Rookie’s game fetch. We outlined those in the first paragraph, if you were paying attention. In light of everything going on in this country at the moment, we also can’t help but think if we showed the same empathy to each other that we do to our precious pets, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. But still, even if you have a two-sizes-too-small grinch heart beating in your chest—even if you're a dreaded CAT PERSON—you can’t help but feel for Rookie, who would love nothing more to slobber all over a foul ball and mooch hot dogs off fans one last time.

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