FirstWorldProblems\nCuing the world's smallest violin for these on-course complaints\n"I have got to get a new driver. I've had this one since the BEGINNING of last season."\n"I haven't been to my other club in weeks."\n"Don't tell me we're hitting off mats again!"\n"Seems like I never get Cypress on a clear day."\n"They run out of all the good caddies by 9 o'clock!"\n"Is the grounds crew going to follow us the entire round?"\n"I liked last year's member-guest shirt way better."\n"First they give us Top-Flites on the range. Now we don't even get 'em stacked in pyramids?"\n"These greens are much slower than the practice green."\n"Man, reception is spotty. I'm not getting any emails!"\n"Stupid GPS. I already know the number to the middle of the green."\n"Gas? Is it too much to ask for electric carts?"\n"These fairways are just too lush. I'm not getting enough roll!"\n"WHY isn't the snack shop open?!"\n"Can't believe I'm missing a spike. I have to talk to whats-his-name in the locker room."