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You can now own Phil Kessel's mansion, featuring the saddest home theater you will ever see


Welcome to Castle Kessel, America. The five-bed, seven-and-a-half bath beauty—once the home of lovable NHL teddy bear Phil Kessel—is set down on 3.5 acres of immaculate western Pennsylvania landscaping. It features 8,000-square-feet of pristine hardwood flooring, golden swaths of natural light, and an open kitchen with a 400-bottle walk-in wine closet. It's a midwest mini-mansion for you and your whole kingdom...as long us you ignore the renovation-ready home theater, of course, which could very well be the loneliest mancave since the Batcave:


Adorned with four posters ( Rounders, Glitter, The Godfather and the legendary film classic Wedding Crashers), a single solitary seat and, quite frankly, not much else, the KesselPlex could use some serious TLC. One can assume the psycho-emotional dungeon—replete with hospital lighting and actual AMC carpeting—was custom designed to watch game film, but one doesn't have to flex the imagination too hard to visualize far grimmer designs. Thankfully, though, the rest of the home lives up to Kessel's sunny demeanor, including the elegant master bed n' bath...


and significantly less murder-y billiards room.


Kessel—who will be relocating to the cultural desert that is Arizona for the 2019/20 season—is asking for a cool $2.1 million for his former abode. A full sanitization and exorcism of the home theater, however, will cost you extra.