Because They Can

Where does Donald Trump driving on a green rank among all-time rich-guy DGAF moves?

June 22, 2017
Mr-Burns

You could fill books with the culturally inappropriate things Donald Trump has done during his time in office — and believe us, one day they will. But for sheer gall, pure cheek and unabashed rich-person DGAFery, you really can’t do much better than the stinky-rich President of These United States motoring his fancy golf cart right up on onto a putting green, the sort of golf faux pas you learn when you are about 5. This is both shocking and not the slightest bit shocking; you wouldn’t expect Trump to keep quiet in a library, let alone follow the commonly accepted rules regarding his GCOTUS. But how does this compare to other examples of gratuitous rich-guy jackassery? Let’s compare:

Mr. Burns’ Giant Sun-Blocking Umbrella

Synopsis: The entirely logical notion that blacking out the sun would require the residents of Springfield to utilize more more energy. I mean, devil’s advocate, if you run a nuclear power plant, this idea is rock-solid. It did make him get shot by a baby, though.

Is This Worse Than Trump? Technically no, as by appearing at Mayor Quimby’s town hall meeting to announce his evil plan, Burns proved far more transparent than Trump has ever been.

Whatever TF Johnny Depp Has Been Doing

Synopsis: For years, America’s creepiest mumbliest sweetheart has been eking out a living on a budget of $2 million a month, much of which has been going to wine deliveries, firing Hunter Thompson’s ashes over the Colorado mountains and generally doing in real life everything you’d think his characters would do, even the ones you forgot about, like that guy from Dark Shadows, or Mordecai, whatever that is.

Is This Worse Than Trump? Lord no, at least Depp is spending his pirate’s treasure on wine and cannons, instead of sending it directly to Russia.

Gronk’s $100,000-Because-of-Course Bar Tab

Synopsis: As reported in these pages, biochemist and author Rob Gronkowski this week rang up a $100,000 night at a Connecticut nightclub with Flo Rida, who has enjoyed a long and successful rap career despite being a man named Flo. The six-figure tab reportedly went to champagne, Grey Goose and a staff of interns hired to pop everyone’s collars.

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Worse Than Trump? Push. This sort of behavior will only be a problem when Gronk is elected president in 2032.

That 25-Year-Old Guy Behind the Fyre Festival

Synopsis: Billy McFarland essentially replaced all other millennials as the walking smirking prince of overindulgent excess by staging a festival that was basically like a series of FEMA tents where Blink-182 was supposed to play.

Worse Than Trump? Well, a bunch of rich millennials were deeply inconvenienced and it was partly the fault of Kylie Jenner and Ja Rule so this one is actually pretty amazing. However, like Trump, he’ll be named in lawsuits for the rest of his life.

Anybody Who Calls Over Your Waiter While You’re Ordering

Synopsis: Calm down, Todd, he’ll be over to address your needs once I’ve ordered my drink.

Worse Than Trump? Absolutely, although we guarantee Trump has called over a busy waiter to bitch that his steak isn’t well-done enough.

This Guy Who Double-Parked His Range Rover

Synopsis: Basically anybody who purchases a vehicle the size of a school bus and jams it into parking spaces generally reserved for two to three families.

Worse Than Trump? Without a doubt.


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