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We haven't even tried Sam Adams' new Tom Brady beer and we're already puking

January 30, 2019

Are you already feeling nauseous from too much Tom Brady the past week or two? From the mic drops, underdog role playing, and unrelenting Barstool drool-fest? Well, this won't do much to settle your stomach. On Thursday, Sam Adams—one of America's pioneering craft breweries and a fixture on the New England tap landscape—is set to release the brand's first-ever Tom Brady beer, the sight of which alone may be enough to send non-Pats fans fumbling for the nearest Uber window. Bottom's up, America.

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Dubbed the "Too Old, Too Slow, Still Here," the exclusive elixir is a Double New England IPA (think hazy AND hoppy) clocking in at a robust 7.8% ABV. More importantly, however, it has Tom Brady with a goat head plastered on the side of the can, which you can only cop in crowler format if you're one of the first 199 customers to show up at Sam Adams's Jamaica Plains brewery on Thursday 1/21 from 4:30 p.m to 7:30 p.m. If 199 seems arbitrary to you, well, that's where Brady was drafted, of course. Seriously, do you even watch ESPN?

"We’re behind the New England Patriots 100 percent as they head to the big game," Jim Koch, Sam Adams' founder, said, hardly keeping it in his pants. "The best way we could think to honor the team was to brew a beer for fans that can’t make it to Atlanta and a New England-style Double IPA with as much spirit as the players felt like the perfect beer. We haven’t doubted them all season and can’t wait to watch them on Sunday with a beer in hand that honors their hard work."

Meanwhile, we eagerly await Sean McVay's signature Cabernet Sauvignon. Did you know he can remember the exact vine every grape was picked from? INCREDIBLE!