Two years ago, ESPN's traveling hit show "College Gameday" descended upon Times Square for reasons we're still not sure of. Our best guess at the time was (a) there was no true big game that week (even though there were multiple) , or (b) ESPN just wanted to try a new place, and decided on what could be described as hell on earth.
Well, we're here to report that ESPN outdid itself on Tuesday, announcing that the first location for the latest season of "College Gameday" would be some place far, farrrrrr worse than hell on earth: Disney World.
Apologies to any children who come across this article, but Disney World might be the most depressing place on the planet. To my fellow adults reading, you've found this to be true when you return years later after first going as a child. The reason "Gameday" is going is because there are only two games on opening weekend, Aug. 24, which is being called "Week 0," and one of them is Florida versus Miami, a reigniting of one of the great in-state rivalries in the sport. Of course, because teams refuse to sack up and schedule out-of-conference opponents anywhere but neutral sites, the game is being played in Orlando at Camping World Stadium:
Much like Times Square, Disney World doesn't exactly scream college football. But to be fair to ESPN, "Gameday is headed to Disney World!" sounds a lot sexier than "Gameday, live from Camping World Stadium!" The Big House, Camping World is not.
I could forgive all this if I didn't later find out that you have to pay your way in. That's right, Gator and Canes fans, if you want to see Lee Corso pick your mascot's head a full seven hours before kickoff, you have to fork over whatever it costs to get in the Magic Kingdom nowadays. I've seen about 80 price options in my limited research, and each one made me sicker than the last.
Oh, it gets worse. No signs allowed. No signs! The signs have legitimately become the best part of watching "Gameday," but Disney World prohibits signs, flags, banners, horns, whistles, large megaphones and other artificial noisemakers:
This is being called a "Fan's Guide," but it should be called "How Disney is sucking the life out of 'College Gameday' Guide." Where is Jon Taffer when you need him? SHUT THIS THE F--- DOWN!!!!!