Sleep It Off
August 06, 2020

The Cleveland Indians’ Twitter account got pretty drunk last night

Last night was Wednesday, hump day, not a bad evening to bridge the gap to the weekend with a couple of beers. Thursdays are for college kids and townies. The Wednesday-Friday combo is how the adults do it, and if you haven’t heard, adults know best. But as all adults will also tell you without any solicitation whatsoever, you gotta do everything in moderation, even midweek brews, and unfortunately the Cleveland Indians Twitter account learned that the hard way on Wednesday, getting lampshade-on-head drunk by 6 p.m. Let’s sit back and watch the carnage shall we?

It all started with this slightly chippy exchange with the Cincinnati Reds Twitter account, who dubbed Cleveland “the city so nice, LeBron left it twice” upon the arrival at Progressive Field on Wednesday (Chili-On-Spaghetti-Town USA is no quaint hamlet either, but that’s another topic for another time.) At approximately 5:53 p.m. EST, the Indians account replied “How many titles has Cincinnati’s NBA team won?” By 5:56 they were deceased.

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Unfortunately, the poor Indians social media peon must be taking these Ls pretty hard, because earlier this week they saw fit to load this doozy into the laser cannon and fire it into the infinite void of the internet, where it’s still bouncing around undeleted. If you’re lucid enough to decipher this, congratulations, would you like to run for president?

May we suggest sticking to hard seltzers and session IPAs until this all blows over? Or perhaps back off the ketamine just a touch. It is only Wednesday, after all.