Bills Mafia does not need any help when it comes to causing each other physical harm. Whether it be jumping through tables, setting themselves on fire or suplexing each other off trucks (it's all right here in this pamphlet), they are already well-equipped in the 'ol inflicting pain department. The last thing, and I mean the LAST thing they needed is help making the tailgates more dangerous.
Just when you thought Buffalo brass was cracking down on Bills Mafia, this week the organization is actually going to allow them to participate in a hatchet-throwing contest. I repeat, the Buffalo Bills organization is going to allow its fans to take a hatchet and throw it in the name of a "contest" on Sunday prior to the Bills' game against, of all teams, the Philadelphia Eagles:
If you thought this was an Onion article, now you've realized it's real. That's a tweet from the Bills PR team, blue checkmark and everything. I feel like I have to say it a third time... the Bills are going to allow their fans to throw hatchets, HATCHETS, on Sunday.
I'm well aware hatchet-throwing is a thing, odd given the fact I've never once thought up a scenario where I'd need to throw a hatchet. But to each their own. But the last place on earth there should be a hatchet-throwing stadium is in Orchard Park this Sunday. These people could make a weapon out of a plastic table, and now we're going to literally hand them a weapon and expect them to just throw it at the target and not in the general direction of someone wearing a Donovan McNabb jersey. Who is making these decisions?
Obviously, you'd think whoever is running this is going to keep things as safe as possible, but if I know Bills Mafia, someone is swiping a hatchet, running to their nearest tailgate party and trying to find a way to use the hatchet and end up on Barstool. And if they don't end up on Barstool, they'll probably end up in the hospital. There's simply no way a hatchet-throwing contest outside of New Era Field has a happy ending.