Masterclass
Give an EGOT to this Tennessee lineman for the flop of the year on Thursday night
Do you know what an EGOT is? Probably, but allow us to mansplain it all the same. An EGOT is arguably the finest accolade available in show business—a career grand slam reserved only for the select few. It encompasses an Emmy (E), a Grammy (G), an Oscar (O), and a Tony (T). It demonstrates excellency in all forms and mediums of performance, from music to acting, HBO to the Broadway stage. So it is not without serious consideration, due diligence, and great respect for the history of the award, that we issue the following edict:
GIVE 58 THE EGOT RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW.
This is a flopping masterclass rarely seen outside of the European futbol cauldron. It makes the NBA look like a CW show. This isn’t entertainment. It’s art. It’s a reflection of life itself. The sea legs. The jelly arms. The back arch. The face first plummet into the earth with no regard to self, only a pure, singular focus on the capital-P Performance. Tom Cruise wouldn’t even do these stunts.
We are less than a week into the new college football season, and it feels safe to say we’ve already seen its greatest flop (in a 59-10 blowout of Ball State no less). There will be no shortage of competition as the fall rolls on and the bodies, to quote the great musical act known as Drowning Pool, hit the floor, but when the dust settles and the flags fly, we expect see 58 clutching that little gold statue, thanking his mom, dad, brother, wife, director, executive producer, and high school drama teacher as the piano plays him off.