Can't stand Skip Bayless? Well, just imagine being married to the guy. Dinner is eaten at a to-scale replica of the Undisputed desk. Sunday funday is spent crying about the Cowboys. There's a life-size cut-out of Shannon Sharp by the shower that you regularly catch him screaming at in various state of undress. It's not a pretty scene, but it's one Ernestine Sclafani Bayless has somehow managed to navigate since her marriage to sports talk's very own Exxon Valdez back in 2016. That Ernestine is still sane, let alone married, is a testament to her strength and bravery in the face of untold horrors, and now she's sharing her hard-won wisdom in the form of a new book, Balls: How to Keep Your Relationship Alive with a Sports-Obsessed Guy, a survival handbook for similarly afflicted partners of
assholes "sports fans."
Honestly, we don't know whether to admire or pity the poor Ernestine, nor do we know whether Balls, as it will from henceforth be referred, is a courageous manifesto or itself a sign of the end times. They say don't judge a book by its cover, but in this case, the title and author aren't much better. But hey, if you're desperate, you're desperate, and Balls promises to arm you with a variety tactics to help talk your semi-lovable sports idiot off the ledge. Topics include...
How to prioritize your free time together
Avoiding sports jinxes and superstitions
Keeping a game day “swear jar”
Finding parts of the game to enjoy when you don’t like sports
What not to say when their team loses
And most importantly, the art of compromising
In case the inspiration behind Balls isn't immediately obvious, Ernestine had this to say about her Pulitzer Prize contender:
"I had friends say to me, ‘I don’t know how you put up with it on a Sunday,’ or, ‘You watch games on Saturday?’ I’d say, ‘Yeah, I watch because I want to be with him,'" she told Newsweek. “So I thought, well there’s something for a book, not to teach women about sports, because I don’t care about the 40-yard line, I don’t care about any of the rules. Mine would be tips on how I’ve kept my relationship alive.”
Ah yes, the classic 40-yard line, the key to any lasting relationship.
Unrepentant sarcasm aside, Balls is out now via Sourced Media Books and makes a perfect holiday gift for your recent and future exes.