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Security guard knocks the sh-t out of Rose Bowl streaker, wins college football weekend

November 21, 2022

The Rose Bowl is the type of venue where, if and when given the chance, I would genuflect in front of before entering. The history and setting are unmatched in college football. It's the sport's greatest cathedral outside of Notre Dame and ... insert whichever Big 10 or SEC stadium that will make you the least mad here.

Of course, not everyone shares that sentiment. Some folks just want to watch the world burn, and by watch the world burn we mean run on the field during an epic USC-UCLA game at the Rose Bowl on Saturday night. When you do that, though, you're going to pay the price, as this young man found out by getting...JACKED UP!!! by a security guard in what is easily the cleanest, most vicious hit of the year at any level of football:

NIGHT NIGHT son. Poor guy got clocked so badly his phone went flying into row 3. Hopefully they made a quick pit stop into concussion protocol before throwing this dude in the clink. You know you're going to feel it the next day when you're legs go straight up in the air like this. A true de-cleating:

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Over 4 million people have now watched this guy get obliterated on social media, thus making this security guard and easy selection for winner of the college football weekend. If he told the streaker to "ice up, son" Steve Smith Sr. style too, he should win the Heisman. 

Helmet Stickers

(In this section, we give out helmet stickers to those who *almost* won the college football weekend)

Five helmet stickers: Kirk Herbstreit's feet warmers

When "College Gameday" came on air at 9 a.m. Saturday morning, it was two degrees in Bozeman, Montana, and there were reports that ESPN's equipment had been freezing, literally, in the days leading up. Somehow, the show went off without a hitch, and 87-year-old Lee Corso, who had missed multiple weeks of Gameday with health issues, survived the whole ordeal. And, as far as we know, he didn't need multiple people to warm up his feet like a certain co-host:

Herbieeeee what are you doing my guy? I think we all knew he had a little diva in him, and rightfully so. He's flying all over the country to call every football game known to man, and he's being paid a lot of money to do it. But a personal foot-warmer is prime Terrell Owens-level of diva. He knows:

That's a "oh sh-t, I'm going to get killed on Twitter" face if I've ever seen one. 

Four helmet stickers: Asher O'Hara

The name alone is worth a million helmet stickers. But the Sacramento State QB can flat out ball, too. How about this for a tuddy?

Shades of Jerome Simpson. Real ones remember. 

Three helmet stickers: TCU's social media manager, who definitely doesn't do drugs

No clue what this means or how it has over 1 million views but it's sure as hell provocative and it gets the people going: 

Yep. Zero drugs. 

Two helmet stickers: Whoever stuck around for the second half of Texas A&M vs. UMass

You had to be one sick puppy to attend TAMU-UMASS on Saturday at Kyle Field, but only the sickest of the sick puppies stuck around for the second half, which is to say those who didn't leave after the Aggies' band played at halftime:

When the schedule came out, Aggie fans probably had this one pegged as a nice little late-season scrimmage before they played LSU with a trip to the SEC title game and a spot in the College Football Playoff on the line. Instead, it turned into what has to be the saddest scene in the history of the program. Barely up by 10 in the fourth quarter against the 1-9 Minutemen with just three wins on the year and absolutely nothing to play for. At least they finally stopped the bleeding and avoided a seventh straight loss? Small victories. Not the kind they had in mind when they signed head coach Jimbo Fisher to a decade-long deal. 

Minus-one helmet sticker: The refs on the Michigan-Illinois game

If you thought these zebras were going to let Michigan drop one before the big one next week you were sorely mistaken my friends:

What's so frustrating about this call for Illinois fans and fans of chaos/upsets in general is it gets called all game and then in the biggest moment of the season suddenly the refs learn to swallow the whistle. If it was close or "ticky-tack," as they say, then fine. But this is blatant offensive pass interference and it quite literally shaped the outcome of the game. Tough break for the Illini and head coach Bret Bielema, who had a little message about this play on Twitter after the game:

Understandably salty. This loss completely knocked them out of contention for the Big 10 Championship game, which would have also given them an opportunity to get to the Rose Bowl with a second miraculous win over Ohio State or Michigan in Indianapolis. Strong second season for Bielema in Champaign, but hard to blame him for wanting a little bit more.