The Loop

Scientists want to clone extinct cave lion frozen in ice, have clearly never seen Jurassic Park

November 13, 2017

The Siberian Times

News out of Russia today is perhaps not what you’d expect at this point. No, the president was not found wandering the halls of the Kremlin naked and tweeting, nor has Steven Seagal mercifully passed way. Instead, Siberian scientists who recently discovered a 50,000-year-old cave lion cub perfectly preserved in ice, have begun the long, Screen Writer’s Guild of America-approved process of reintroducing the animal to the modern world via the miracles of cloning. Take it away, Jeff:


Scientists estimate the nine-pound cub was just eight weeks old and ominously have no idea how large a full-grown adult might be before the beginning the process of bringing one back to life. They also can’t seem to determine its sex, as the ice lion doesn’t exhibit any traditional gender indicators, which again, SUPER comforting when you think about factors like population control, behavior, and, well, yeah, you’ve seen Jurassic Park:


If you’re interested in what apex predator you’ll beating back with torches in the snowy, irradiated streets of Lower Manhattan once nuclear winter sets in, however, this experiment offers a fascinating bit of foreshadowing. Unsurprisingly, our money is on the little fella that's somehow survived in an ice block since 47,383 BC.