The Loop

Steven Seagal villain Steven Seagal calls NFL protests “disgusting” live from the Kremlin

September 27, 2017

Steven Seagal—the human salt lick known for playing Steven Seagal in progressive early '90s Hollywood fare like Under Siege, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, and On Deadly Ground—is not a good person.

Steven Seagal is not an honest person.

Steven Seagal is not a sane person.

Steven Seagal has been accused of sex trafficking by his former 23-year-old assistant. Steven Seagal’s ex-wife claims she was “constantly raped and abused” throughout the course of their relationship. Steven Seagal bulldozed a man’s house with a tank and shot his puppy while tagging along on a raid with Sherriff Joe Araipo, of recently-pardoned-by-the-final-president-in-US-history fame.

Steven Seagal claims he was born and raised in Brooklyn, but his mother says Brooklyn was actually Michigan and California. Steven Seagal says he went to Japan to train with Aikido founder Morihei Uyeshiba, who died in 1969 while Steven Seagal was taking classes at Fullerton College. Steven Seagal is close personal friends with Vladimir Putin, which is even more damning, because unlike literally any of Seagal's other claims—he trained with the CIA, he’s a master samurai sword appraiser, et al.—it’s ACTUALLY TRUE.

All of these are reasons why it's not even remotely surprising that Steven Seagal—clad in a black kimono and spray-on toupee with the spires of Moscow rising behind him—took to Good Morning Britain on Wednesday to condemn recent NFL protests of racial inequality in America (NOT the flag or the anthem or any other superfluous patriotic trapping, in case we're still unclear on this).

All of these are also reasons why we shouldn’t give a flying f—k what Steven Seagal has to say about anything, let alone delicate, multi-faceted socio-political issues that people of far greater intellect, integrity, and authenticity have struggled to agree upon month after excruciating month. And yet, when the comments are this reductive, ridiculous, and plainly self-referential—and beamed live to you from the nerve center of a nation that prosecutes homosexuality and views free speech as a whimsy of the West—well, the bait is too good not to take:

I think it’s outrageous, I think it’s a joke, it’s disgusting. I respect the American flag. I myself have risked my life countless times for the American flag and I don’t understand or agree with this kind of behavior. I think it’s an outrage.

Steven Seagal

Say, Steve, speaking of outrageous, disgusting jokes, LOOK, YOU’RE ON LIVE TV!

P.S. Get hit by a bus.