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Ryan Reynolds' fantasy football trash talk makes 'The League' look like a Disney movie

September 26, 2019
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The League is a treasure trove of filthy, vicious fantasy football trash talk. Over the course of its 7 hilarious, uneven, and unnervingly accurate seasons, The League daggered, dragged, torched, trolled, gaslighted, and bodied everyone and everything in its path. And when the dust settled and points were tallied, it was Ruxin who emerged, bloody and wild eyed, from the FX classic's sadistic heap, not to mention that of humankind as a whole. Viewer discretion VERY EXTREMELY advised.

Ruxin has enjoyed a good long reign at the vanguard of fantasy football assholery, but on Wednesday the first real competition in years stepped into the ring...and he was good looking. Like, really, really ridiculously good looking. You know him, of course, as Ryan Reynolds.

As it turns out, the disembodied voice of Pikachu is waging fantasy football warfare as part of a high-stakes Marvel Superhero league, stacked with fellow intergalactic spandex-clad crime stoppers like Chris Evans and Chris Pratt and probably some other Chris they just invented in a test tube. The winner of the league wins $100,000 to donate to a charity of their choice, and Reynolds has selected SickKids VS., an organization dedicated to researching, preventing and curing childhood illness. It's a noble cause with one notable caveat:

Per commissioner decree, Reynolds—a good, polite Canadian boy by nature—had to record a trash talk video ahead of his upcoming matchup against Karen Gillan (Doctor Who). While reluctant at first, Reynolds quickly summoned his inner Ruxin for this wonderfully NSFW gem that, in the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, escalates very quickly indeed. Ear muffs, kiddos (squeamish adults, you may want them too.)

While it's tough to decipher over the cacophony of bleeps, Reynolds references pumpkin butter, champagne enema dusting (must be a CFL thing), and Pat Sajak's finger on his way to wrestling the disturbingly detailed trash talk title belt away from its fictional holder. As for Gillan's jaw? Well, let's just say it ain't made of glass either.

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That sort of confidence can only mean one thing: Gillan is definitely a Melvin Gordon owner.