GOATs on GOATS on GOATS
March 20, 2020

Lionel Messi is the toilet paper juggling GOAT (as well as the actual GOAT)

It's Day 7 of the big coronavirus quarantine, and everyone is bored. You. Me. Tony Finau. Even the World's GOAT, Lionel Messi, is climbing the proverbial (and possibly literal) walls. On Thursday, the Barcelona forward posted a video of him trying the ol' Toilet Paper Challenge—the post-Covid-19 world's answer to the bottle cap challenge—to his IG Story, and as you probably already guessed, he immediately lapped all contenders in the blink of an eye.

Stateside, when we say "GOAT," we mean Jordan, Tiger, and Brady. But across most of the sports-obsessed globe, that acronym answers to only one man: Lionel Messi. Scorer of 697 career goals and winner of 10 La Liga titles by age 32, Messi has racked up unthinkable numbers all while competing against fellow GOAT contender Cristiano Ronaldo in his prime. Imagine if Jack and Tiger played at the same time and we're forced to split the spoils. That's the pretty much the climate Messi has played—and dominated—within, and his TP touch offers just a tiny glimpse into what makes him so special.

As for Ronaldo, the CR7 cultists will point to his 727 career goals as evidence of his superiority, but until we see him with a roll of Charmin at his feet, the world may never truly know.