Oscars Season

Liam Neeson plays homicidal snowplow driver in new, 100% real Liam Neeson revenge thriller

October 25, 2018

Every once in awhile a movie comes along that's so preposterously, wonderfully, gloriously ridiculous that the mind can't help but wander to an elevator, somewhere deep in the bowels of a West Hollywood office park, where against all odds, someone, at some point, had to have said "yes."

BUSHY-TAILED YOUNG SCREENWRITER: Er, uh, yes, so picture this: A small-town snowplow driver's son is dead after getting mixed up with a, um, local drug cartel? Out for justice, the ordinarily mild-mannered Nels, uh, Coxman then goes on a cold-blooded—get it?—killing spree using his state-issued plow, a Christmas tree, and a entire arsenal of blunt, rural implements.

MOVIE EXEC: Triple the puns and name the drug kingpin Viking and you have yourself a deal, kid.

We can only assume this was the pitch for Cold Pursuit, the 10,000th revenge thriller in Liam Neeson's increasingly bloody canon and an early frontrunner for the must-see B-movie of 2019. If you still can't believe this is a real thing, I urge you with every fiber of my being to watch the trailer (set to "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" because of course) below:

Take Rosebud and shove it, Mr. Welles. We don't need no stinking (SPOILER ALERT) sled when we've got four tons of gangster-splatting snowplow.

Suffice to say, if you think John Wick wearing Carhartt in Fargo with the guy from Taken sounds like a good Saturday night, let's hang out. Cold Pursuit—as opposed to the hot kind—salts the popcorn and plows into theaters this February.

MORE FROM THE LOOP
Monday Superlatives

Screw it, let's reset the home run record

June 24, 2019