You remember OJ Simpson right? The record-breaking running back turned failed movie star turned alleged double murderer turned race relations lightning rod turned catastrophically out of touch old man? Well, as it turns, ol' OJ has been on a bit of a content tear since the coronavirus hit US shores, beating the masses to the Costco crush, preaching good hygiene (especially on the cash you took off the boys), and even making an impassioned plea for perspective...
But just when thought OJ might be on the right side of something for once, on Wednesday he checked in following an afternoon 18 at the local CC, undoing all of his hard work with a simple message: coronavirus is bad, but not playing golf is worse.
“I kind of understand what the golf course is doing,” says Simpson, kind of exercising common sense. “I’m not going to criticize them. But you know, you let guys have their own golf cart. You tell them not to, you know, pull the pin out, I guess, you don’t touch the pin. You don’t really get that close to one other on a golf course."
“I think for some of the older guys that golf is their only exercise," he continues. "I think it’s going to hurt ’em, if you start closing all the golf courses.”
Right. Because the only worse than dying of an incurable, highly contagious virus that preys on the elderly and immune compromised is not getting your steps in. Ladies and gentleman, Doctor OJ will see you now.
Listen, we miss golf as much as much as OJ does. This is the time of year when we should be out there knocking the rust off, sucking in pollen by the gallon, and obliterating what little good we did for our respective handicaps by last fall. But that's just not the way the chips fell this year. If we all sit tight, have some patience, and oversteer on this sucker for a little bit, next March will be back to normal. If we walk on at the muni and share a couple of Coors Lights with the guys, however, then who the hell knows.
But hey, don't take our word it (and certainly don't take OJ's). Go ahead and ask the Guvernator instead.