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By a Million

Think wide receivers are divas? Just wait until you see Kentucky Derby contender Midnight Bourbon refuse to take bath

In just over two weeks, the Kentucky Derby returns to its rightful place on the calendar. Fans will be back at Churchill Downs—dumb hats, expensive juleps and all—and we’ll be right there with them, glued to the TV, pretending we know a damn thing about horses for our allotted two minutes per year. It’s going to be great.

Right now Essential Quality and Hot Rod Charlie (come on Hot Rod!) lead the way as 5-2 and 6-1 favorites respectively, but if you’re looking for a midpack pony to hitch your wagon to, we suggest Midnight Bourbon at 15-1. Why Midnight Bourbon? Well, partly because he’s Steve Asmussen trained and partly because you can’t NOT bet on a horse named BOURBON in the KENTUCKY Derby, but mostly because of what he did to avoid taking a bath on Monday.

Incredible. Maybe you want the next Secretariat or American Pharoah. Have fun with that. We’ll take the jackass who wants to turn bath time into a potential multi-million-dollar catastrophe just because he can. In fact, we’re willing to bet Midnight Bourbon loves baths. He just wanted to be an asshole, kick some hay, and send his owner back to the hospital for another bypass to remind everyone who’s really in charge.

That’s exactly the kind of attitude you want coming down the backstretch on Derby Day. So go ahead and take your goodie two shoe Tim Tebow. We’ll ride Ochocinco here all the way to the bank.