You've been hearing it since you were sucking down Fruity Pebbles: Breakfast is the most important a meal of the day—an opportunity refill the tanks, recharge the batteries, and rectify any sort of wrong-side-of-the-bed scenario. And apparently Jägermeister—the headbanging German liqueur best known for its unlikely kinship with Red Bull—also got the message, taking the "complete breakfast" to its logical extreme with the unveiling their brand new Jägermeister Cold Brew this week. Take your avocado toast and shove it, snowflakes.
Joining PBR hard coffee on the boozy brunch beverage menu, Jäger's new magic blackout potion is concocted from the brand's classic 56-ingredient blend of "herbs, blossoms, roots, and fruits," plus an injection real of Arabica coffee and cacao. Just don't go stumbling into any reputable hair-of-dog establishment on Saturday afternoon expecting a frosty pint glass full of the stuff like a traditional cold brew. Clocking in at an eye watering 33% ABV, Jäger Cold Brew, like the rest of the Jäger line, is designed for one thing and one thing only: To be shot. Tack on a 10% caffeine kick, and you have something rivaling Four Loko (the original co-ed-killing stuff, not the new neutered version) for speed-drunk supremacy.
According to Mast-Jägermeister's US director of innovation, Jack Carson, Jägermeister Cold Brew, is designed for people who "want to live boldly and experience disruptive new things," as well as those who don't much care if they remember anything after their eggs benedict, although that wasn't mentioned in the press release. Jäger Cold Brew will begin its reign of terror in January with a SRP of $24.99. Until then, stick to the mimosas.