Milk Was A Bad Choice

The Indianapolis 500 milk preferences are in and there’s a disturbing amount of whole

After another longgggg winter, the great American weekend known as Memorial Day is upon us and that can only mean one thing:

So is The Great American Race.

That’s right. The Indianapolis 500—the Kentucky Derby of auto racing, at least from a casual-interest standpoint—goes down at Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday, and so far it’s shaping up to be a doozy. Scott Dixon just set the single fastest qualifying lap in Indy 500 history with a blazing 234.046 mph; the race is nearing sellout status, with over 300,000 fans expected on the grounds this weekend; and most important of all, the milk preferences are in:

As you probably know, the winning driver of the Indy 500 is doused not in champagne, but milk, in a tradition dating back to the last of Louis Meyer’s three Indy 500 triumps in 1936, when he was photographed chugging down some buttermilk in victory lane. Some powerful milk industry big wigs took notice and the rest is, quite literally, history.

In today’s modern world of selection and variety, however, drivers are now polled pre-race on their preferred milk strength should they be lucky enough to cross the bricks first. They’re given three options—whole, two-percent, and skim—with a secret fourth option for lactose intolerant drivers who aren’t afraid of touching tires at 220 mph but remain scared of a little dairy. In the upset of the century, 26 of the 33 drivers in the field selected whole milk. There were six votes for two-percent, one no preference, and zero for skim. That’s pretty bold, especially given the weather forecast for Indianapolis on Sunday, where it’s predicted to be a ripe 84 degrees and sunny.

Yikes. We’ll let Ron Burgundy say it so we don’t have to.