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Ian Poulter plays Elf on the Shelf with his Ferraris because why not

December 19, 2017

As a general rule of thumb, if you're rich enough to own a garage full of exotic Ferraris, you can do pretty much whatever you want with them. Race them, crash them, lick them. It's your prerogative, Money Bags O'Houlihan. You spent a small European nation's annual GDP on them, after all, and that buys you the right to encase them in wrapping paper, stick two creepy elves in the windshield, and call it a day if you so choose. Just ask Ian Poulter.

Despite finishing a meager 92nd on the PGA Tour money list last year, Ian Poulter, in typically subtle Ian Poulter fashion, decided to give his garage a little dose of holiday cheer this season, wrapping up one of his multi-hundred-thousand-dollar Italian thoroughbreds and playing Elf on the Shelf with it. Why? Because A) it's the most wonderful time of the year, and B) the feed was getting a little drab, brah.

Now in Poulter's defense (STOP THE PRESSES), he does claim to have pulled off this little stunt—which includes a challenging wrap job, especially for those bag-and-tissue-paper acolytes among us—for the merriment of his children, who presumably aren't as skeeved out by these soulless little elf golems as we are. So for now we'll assume his intentions were 70% wholesome and 30% engagement-motivated. Even if that breakdown were the other way around, however, well, just see graph one. Something tells us we went over this already.