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Hot dog king Joey Chestnut devours 413 Hooters wings for National Chicken Wing Day

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but Joey Chestnut ain't no house pet. On Monday the reigning Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest champ and alpha wolf of ridiculous food consumption traded in his mystery meat tubes for totally new prey. In honor of National Chicken Wing Day, Chestnut posted up at a fine Hooters family restaurant in the Mall of Georgia for 12 hours. His mission? As you've probably already guessed, to eat as many damn chicken wings as he could possibly stomach. Mission status? Accomplished.

Over the course of the day, Chestnut gnawed his way through a whopping 413—yes, FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN—chicken wings, smashing expectations and records alike all while plunging central Georgia into a crippling poultry shortage. Here's the blow-by-blow, in which Chestnut can be found hamming it up for the cameras around wing 200, before slowly receding into the shattered husk of a man as the day wears on and the bones pile up.

Chestnut was on hand to celebrate Hooters' $15.99 all-you-can-eat NCWD deal, and celebrate he did, downing his first wing around 11 a.m. ET and continuing deep into what was probably a very long, painful night. Over the course of his wing-a-thon, Chestnut averaged around 34 wings an hour. Although completely, certifiably insane by most mortal standards, that still pales in comparison to the rate of 444 hot-dogs-per-hour that he set when he downed a record-breaking 74 hot dogs in 10 minutes during the 2018 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. For his efforts, Chestnut was rewarded with free Hooters t-shirt and the satisfaction of a job well done.