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Clanks, clangs, and clunks

Guy Fieri is Superman and jump shots are his kryptonite

July 09, 2021

If you don’t like Guy Fieri, we don’t like you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if you’re here to bash the goateed GOAT, then you might as well turn around and head back the way you came. This isn’t about making fun of Fieri, by most accounts a genuinely stand-up dude who has somehow made more money off flaming bowling shirts and red Camaros than Smashmouth. This is about showing that no matter what you do or how great you are it—in this case, whipping up Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Mezcalitas and raising $21.5 million for unemployed restaurant workers at the height of the pandemic—there’s always going to be something you’re equally not good at, and that’s OK.

Based on the evidence of this video taken after Game 2 of the NBA Finals, for Guy Fieri that thing is basketball.

You could build a three-car garage with these bricks and power Luxembourg with the wind from these airballs. It’s as grisly a display of shooting as we’ve seen since, well, Giannis from the foul line all playoffs long, but that doesn’t deter Fieri. He keeps stepping back (or rather forward?) and chucking ‘em up, clank after reverberating clang.

You might think that makes him the chump of this story, but that makes you the chump, CHUMP. Not only is Fieri clearly having a blast, balling out on the same court that just played host to an NBA Finals game, but he’s not letting incidentals like makes and misses get in the way of doing what he digs. Do you think his first barbecue bacon quesadilla burger was a smash hit? Hell no. Do you think the first time he stepped into a diner, drive-in, or drive that he got some weird looks? Hell yeah. But he stuck with it and now he’s the king of American cuisine.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere for all you haters. But first, let’s watch that again. Sorry, Guy. You know we love a good rerun.