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High school football coach protests unsportsmanlike conduct penalty by pushing vending machine in front of locker room door, trapping referees inside

September 20, 2021

It was a tough weekend out there for the zebras. The NFL’s new taunting rule took center stage on Sunday, and was immediately pelted by rotten tomatoes …

… while over in the collegiate ranks, referees continued their puritanical targeting crusade while also doing that fun thing where they blow a potential game-changing fumble dead so the play can’t be reviewed. Whee!

On Monday, football fans across America joined together to demand justice for these atrocities, but no one embodied the movement quite like an Ohio assistant high school football coach, who allegedly locked five referees inside the locker room last Friday, pushing a vending machine in front of the door to protest an unsportsmanlike conduct called against him during the game.

Now you can disagree with this rogue’s tactics—the five officials trapped inside the room dertainly did, filing charges against Grove City for the act of retaliation. It’s tough to argue against the cause, however. For too long eferees have gone unchecked long enough, hurling throw flag after wanton flag from atop their ivory towers. They’ve been fanned their own flames with palm fronds and fed their gluttony ripe grapes off the vine, leaving fans to dig out from the rubble of their every catastrophe without even as much as an explanation.

BUT NO LONGER! The people have spoken. The vending machines have been mobilized. A new football order is upon us, and what better place for it to begin than Ohio?