Got Milk?

Colt McCoy drinks a dangerous amount of milk

March 26, 2019
Washington Redskins v Dallas Cowboys
Wesley Hitt

The Redskins are a little short on quarterbacks at the moment. Alex Smith is out indefinitely with a horrific leg injury, the S.S. Sanchize has finally sailed, and Tress Way is a punter. That leaves Colt McCoy and Case Keenum as the only NFL-ready QBs on the roster and the former Longhorn is preparing for a new season at the helm of the second most awful franchise in American sports with a bit of a drinking problem. Say coach, what do we mean by that?

Sweet fancy Moses that's a lot of dairy. Too much dairy, in fact, even for growing boys like 32-year-old McCoy. Making matters even more disgusting (and dangerous), is the fact IT'S NOT EVEN PASTEURIZED. Louis Pasteur died to save us from this stuff, and here is McCory, over a century later, slugging it straight from the utter like its Orange Vanilla Coke. $20 says he thinks the measles vaccine is really just a government mind control serum.

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Needless to say, someone from the Redskins has to step in here and say, son, it doesn't matter how strong your bones are when your vital organs are shutting down from a system-wide bacterial infection. Barring some sort of Josh Rosen swap n' trade before the draft, McCoy is gonna vying for the top of the depth chart come OTAs and he'll be no good to anyone if he can't go three series without a raw milk transfusion and a wheel of cheese.

Oh and in case you were wondering, according to the FDA, drinking raw milk (in any quantity, let alone a gallon a day) can lead to salmonella, e. coli, listeria, and something called campylobacter—a primary cause of food poisoning. In other words, welcome to the Tress Way era, Washington fans. Here's hoping he sticks to the Gatorade.

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