It's been a scintillating couple of weeks for the American strip mall industry. First came Robert Kraft and the Orchids of Asia, and now—mere hours after photos of Donald Trump watching the Super Bowl with the owner of said massage/brothel hybrid hit the Twitter-verse—news that city council members in American Canyon, California have unanimously voted to revoke the license of Bottoms Up Espresso, better known to local Morning Joes as "the place with the not-so-flat whites, bro." The free (and uninhibited) market economy as we know it will never be the same.
According to sources intimately familiar with the situation, Bottoms Up Espresso—which has several locations spread lavishly across the fireside bear rug that is the Bay Area—adheres to a strict dress code that, in it's general absence of cotton, provides much more than just a head rush for its patrons.
“I met with one of the owners on Jan. 4, 2019 who informed me that he intends to require the employees at the American Canyon store to wear costumes that are as revealing as the costumes worn on staff at other Bottoms Up Espresso stores,” community director Brent Cooper told the Vallejo Times-Herald through deep, husky breaths, “The business owner provided a ‘dress code.’ The costumes in the ‘dress code’ are revealing to a degree that the business meets the definition of an adult business per the city’s Municipal Code.”
Yep, that tracks...
Owner Nate Wilson has unsurprisingly disputed such claims in the past, describing Bottom's Up Espresso as "a very classy business" with "quality drinks" and "dress codes that expose less then you would see at a pool or beach," when the franchise's Chico location came under fire for its proximity to a dance school. But unlike the American Canyon location, the Chico branch was not found to have violated city code, sparking a tumbleweed epidemic in Starbucks parking lots across town.
According to Wilson, Bottoms Up Espresso has 12 more locations planned for the Sacramento area and beyond, however, so don't go pouring any out for the fine swimwear enthusiasts of American Canyon just yet. There's hope for their beans yet.