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The Baltimore Ravens, logo stompers, served up the hottest revenge of 2021 so far

January 11, 2021

Wesley Hitt

At some point in their regular season game against the Ravens, the Tennessee Titans huddled together on the Ravens' midfield logo, pissing off John Harbaugh. You can (kinda) see that here:

Harbaugh was so mad that he seemed to want to fight Malcolm Butler, which would have gone poorly, and it couldn't have helped that the Titans went on to win. But as fate would have it, the two teams met this weekend in the wildcard round. This time, the Ravens were on the verge of winning when they came down with a big interception, and their moment had come:

The video is hilarious, and it produced one of the all-time funniest football stills. Second one here:

If that doesn't become a meme on the level of Crying Jordan, something's wrong.


On Friday, I wrote that lower-middle-aged sports fans like myself need to support the NFL's old QBs (five of them age 37 and up in this year's playoffs) because it might be our last chance to watch elite professional athletes our age or even older compete for the highest stakes. Well, four of those five QBs played this weekend, and two of them won! Brady and Brees are on to the next round (where unfortunately they'll have to play each other), and while Big Ben and Philip Rivers lost, they came close-ish and very close to winning, respectively. That's a 50% success rate, which is very solid for some old dudes, and if the Packers win next week, it will guarantee that A, two old man QBs will start the NFC Championship game, and B, one of them will make the Super Bowl. I mean, look at the way these granddads drop dimes:

Sure, I may not be quite the physical specimen they are, or even on the same planet but they represent me nonetheless. Let's hear it for the almost-olds: We're not dead yet, baby!

Apocalypse Sign of the Week: Buffalo Wins, Cleveland Wins?

I know the lamestream media is peddling the dual victories by the Buffalo Bills and Cleveland Browns as "inspiring" or "heartwarming," but I'm here to tell you that there's a reason these teams always lose, and that reason is stability. Certain things have to happen in order for society to remain functional and human livable, and those things are gravity, sunlight, the continued existence of water, and the Bills and Browns losing football games. It's why they haven't won a playoff game in approximately 300 years (combined). You may see vaguely uplifting things like Baker Mayfield yelling "the Browns is the Browns," but know the truth: These victories mean the final collapse of society. If you watch the news, you've seen it coming, but this is the final sign from the gods: We're doomed.

Bad Beat Rule Change of the Week: Chicago Bears

In 2018, the NFL made a slight rule tweak, as follows:

"If a touchdown is made on the last play of a period, the Try attempt shall me made (except during a during a sudden-death period, or if a touchdown is scored during a down in which time in the fourth quarter expires, and a successful TRY would not affect the outcome of the game)."

It went largely unnoticed at the time, but a few gamblers absolutely noticed it this weekend when the Chicago Bears, 11-point underdogs, scored a meaningless touchdown on the last play of their game against the Saints to make the score 21-9. An extra point would have meant a push, a successful two-point conversion meant they would have beat the spread, but by the new rule, they attempted neither.

Of course, the rule makes sense. There's absolutely no point in sending both teams out, and it stemmed from the Vikings-Saints epic playoff game that ended on a last-second TD, but in which both teams were forced to retake the field so the Vikings could take a knee on the conversion attempt.

However, the sensibility of the rule will be of very little solace to those who put money on the Bears, just like it won't help the sports books who reportedly lost a ton of money on the outcome, since it appears that smart money (smartly) liked the Saints.

Brutal Headline Target of the Week: Markieff Morris

I had to laugh at this ESPN main page headline:

"Cousins, his replacement on Lakers both ejected"

The full story, which actually mentions the name of the replacement in question, gets into how Boogie Cousins and Markieff Morris, the player the Lakers replaced him with in February, got into a spat in Sunday's game in Houston. The fight was relatively tame, though it did involve a classic shoulder shiver:

But the really funny part to me was the headline completely erasing Morris as a human being. I picture him reading it Monday morning and shouting "I HAVE A NAME." From now on, he should have to wear "Cousins replacement" on the back of his jersey.

Bad Shooter of the Week: Steph Curry

Against the Raptors, garbage shooter Steph Curry went a miserable 1-10, putting up the worst shooting performance of his career, and proving that he just doesn't have the touch. Look at this disgrace to basketball throw up an airball:

Lucky for him, he still has a great team to carry him, and they managed to beat the Raptors on the strength of superstar Damion Lee. Maybe Curry just needs to get older, like the QBs. I think age 40 is going to be a big turning point for him.