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I'm In Love With Bailey's Mom

Bailey Zappe sings “Stacy’s Mom” after coming off bench to lead two TD drives, secures Pats starter’s job for next decade

October 25, 2022

Buckle up, folks. We have a quarterback controversy brewing in exactly the last place you woukd expect a quarterback controversy to brew: Foxborough, Massachusetts. On Monday night, Mac Jones got the first-half hook after throwing two ugly interceptions in his return from injury. Replacing him was Western Kentucky fourth-rounder Bailey Zappe, who breathed life into the Patriots’ anemic attack in Jones’ absence. Zappe promptly led the team on two second-quarter touchdown drives, capping the second with a little rendition of “Stacy’s Mom” as the rest of Gillette belted along.

Patriots fans, your new franchise quarterback has finally arrived. There was the false dawn of Jimmy G and the red herring that is Mac Jones, but Bailey Zappe is Him. He's he second coming of the milquetoast, late-round cinderella man New England loves so much, and best of all, he knows his early aughts pop punk hits … well, mostly (we see you mumbling through some of those lyrics, Zap).

Needless to say, the New England white boys are gonna slurp this up with a chowdah spoon. And I would know, I’m a New England white boy. No matter what Belichick does or doesn’t say about the hierarchy of his quarterback room, this little ode to Fountains of Wayne pretty much seals the deal. Bailey Zappe. QB1. It’s all I want, and I’ve waited for so long.