An anatomy of Jim Harbaugh's cursed holiday catalog cover

November 13, 2019

Brace yourselves, folks. The most wonderful time of the year is bearing down on us like a runaway freight train, and we're all tied to the tracks. The halls are decked and the trees are trimmed. The Evites have arrived and the RSVPs await. The only thing more fried than the turkey is our collective patience, shivering outside a Best Buy at 5:30 a.m. Most chillingly of all, however, it is time for the annual holiday catalog from The M Den—the University of Michigan's merchandising megalodon—now featuring 10,000 percent more Harbaugh. If you thought your in-laws' outbound flights being canceled was terrifying, just wait until you see this.

We're sorry you had to witness that. The burden was simply too great to bear on our own. But as they say, sometimes laughter is the only thing keeping you from crying, thus we decided to drag Anatomy Of out of semi-retirement for an in-depth analysis of the holidays' most cursed image. Viewer discretion, especially for Ohio State fans, is advised.


Otherwise known as the "Harbaugh Mullet."


The pilgrims wore hats, dammit. DO YOU HATE THE PILGRIMS?!


An uncluttered home is an uncluttered mind.


We hear Miami is quite nice this time of year ...


You'll shoot your eye out, kid.


They say the losses stick around longer than the wins.


How did that get there!?


Contact your local ASCPCA Adoption Center to give a good animal a good home this holiday season.