124th U.S. Open

Pinehurst No. 2

The Dairy Derby

Multiple injuries reported at the return of the Gloucestershire Cheese-Rolling Race, AKA England’s Talladega

On Sunday, the sports world saw the return of one its most cherished treasures: The Gloucestershire Cheese-Rolling Race. After a two-year absence due to COVID, England’s most English sports tradition returned as people from all over the world flocked to Gloucester to chase a wheel of cheese down a hill. If you’re new to this whole [waves arms like a madman] thing, that may sound a bit droll, but as the 2022 edition reminded us, cheese chasing is one of the gnarliest contact sports humanity has ever seen.

There’s not enough Advil on the planet to keep up with that carnage, but if you sickos want more, don’t worry, there’s a slo-mo version too (because of course there is).

Multiple injuries were reported at the 2022 edition of the world’s most dangerous dairy derby, with several bloodied contestants helped to the medical tent, where they presumably took a long, hard look at their life decisions. Most, however, escaped the wrath of Cooper’s Hill, including Abby Lampe, a North Carolina native whose transatlantic journey was capped with victory in the women’s race, and Chris Anderson, the Joey Chestnut of cheese chasing, who announced his retirement after his 23rd win.

Probably smart. As we all know, cheese chasing is a young man’s game.