The year is 2020 and the feel-good-story reserves are running perilously low. Good deeds have become mythological creatures. Generosity a folk tale passed from tribe to tribe, generation to generation. Happiness is a vestige of a bygone era that your grandparents barely even remember. So it brings us no pleasure to say this—no really, we're miserable—but said it has to be: Whoever just anonymously gifted Binghamton University baseball $60 MILLION DOLLARS for a new stadium, is a sick, sick son of a bitch.
Listen, we love baseball as much as the next red-blooded American idiot, but this is out-of-touch to the point of unhinged. This is worse than Jeff Bezos buying yachts worth more than the GNP of Latvia. THIS IS BINGHAMTON BASEBALL ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Here's a list of things that could use $60 million a hell of a lot more than this blood diamond dealer's beloved Bearcats:
Forest fire prevention
The federal deficit
Opioid treatment centers
Natural disaster recovery
Just spitballing here, but you get the point. Everybody has their hot-button issues, and we're not telling you what yours should or shouldn't be . . . unless it's college baseball, in which case, please walk straight into the ocean. Anyhoo, good to know we're not the only sane people on this earth . . .
All the best to the Bearcats on their upcoming season. Enjoy the champagne soaking tubs and heated insoles, boys.