The Loop

Wait, is Derek Carr really moonlighting as a pop star?

August 15, 2017
Screen Shot 2017-08-15 at 4.11.42 PM.png

Hold on, hold on, hold on. This can’t be what we think it is…right? Twitter is 90% bullshit and 10% Game of Thrones spoilers. You know this. I know this. Grain of salt. Slight of hand. On to the next one and the one after that. In this digital stream of consciousness, nothing is what it seems and no one is to be trusted…and yet…this looks…somehow…[gulp]…real.

I'm 1000% dead certain I’ll regret that statement. Moments after this piece is published, Carr will say he was hacked or reveal an elaborate in-joke with the Lonely Island boys. But I bit anyway. Hook. Line. Sinker. Rod. Reel. Arm up to the elbow. And now that your standing on the ceiling eating water and drinking air with me, let’s all say it out loud, once, while it’s just as real as Sir Isaac Newton’s f—king apple:


Phew. That felt good. Like really good. Almost too good, actually. Has this been debunked yet? No? OK, deeper down the rabbit hole we plummet then. There’s a music video teaser, Carr bedecked in a popped-collar Canadian tuxedo Blue Steel-ing the camera from the hood of a sports car while plastic palm fronds dance in the background. There’s a link to Carr’s official Facebook and Twitter pages. There’s a website and a copyright that both echo everything and nothing all at once: Derek Carr Music. The alpha and the omega. The greatest thing ever in the history of football…if only it's real.

Please God, Santa, Tooth Fairy, Aladdin’s Genie. Whoever. Whatever. I beg you. Let it be real.