The Loop

Make My Day, Punk

This guy tried to steal a car from a UFC fighter, and it went about as well as you'd expect

August 13, 2021

Jeff Bottari

Ever had a car stolen from you, or any big-ticket item? Then you'll probably love this: Some dude in Denver hoping to bag a free car watched a man park his car at a gas station, head inside, and leave it running. What a perfect chance! Seizing his moment, he hopped in the car and began to drive two things. There were two things he didn't know:

1. This was a push-to-start car, and without the keys, it wasn't going anywhere.

2. The car belonged to Jordan Williams, a UFC fighter who is currently in the welterweight division after a good showing on the Contender Series led to him signing last September.

If either one of these things were not true, perhaps it would have turned out okay for the thief. As it stands, both were true, and it went, uh...pretty, pretty bad. Here's the video footage, with commentary, that Williams posted on his Instagram:

His quotes from the ESPN story are almost as good:

"At first I couldn't really believe it," Williams told ESPN. "And then I was like, 'Holy s---, there's someone really in my car.'

"So, I run up to the car, and I have a push-to-start car. So, if my keys aren't within five feet of the car it won't drive. As I started to run towards the car it started to slowly back up. And man, the look this guy gave me on his face through the window was like, 'Yeah, I got your car and this is happening.'"...

"I opened the door and, it's funny, the first thing I did was throw the stuff I bought on the passenger seat," Williams said. "And then I proceeded to punch the guy. After the first punch he said, 'OK, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' I was able to get some knees on him, as he was exiting out."

Honestly, considering who he messed with, that video makes it look like the thief was fortunate to get off so easy. A couple punches for literally trying to steal a car from one of the world's best fighters? Count your lucky stars, my man.

"Wish I would of hit him with the trip after the clinch work when I tossed him out of the whip, and finish off with some ground and pound but I'll settle with getting my car back," Williams said on Instagram, and if the guy had put up a fight, this could have been so much worse.

As it is, the thief lost his hat, and we can't leave without mentioning the most hilarious part of the whole thing: Williams, while in beatdown mode, was wearing a fannypack. Most of us go through our whole lives praying we never get beat up by a man wearing a fannypack, and the fact that this thief can no longer say, "hey, I've never been beat up by a dude in a fannypack" makes his bad day even worse.