Big Sexy

This Kingsford Charcoal commercial starring Bartolo Colon is Big Sexy's finest hour

September 26, 2018

The Academy Awards have become nothing short of an abomination. This once-proud awards show somehow quickly turned into a four-hour night of pontificating and ass-kissing by a bunch of sycophants of whose opinions you should not give one shit about. "Oh my goshhh your dress looks so good, NO YOURS DOES! NO DAMMIT! YOURS DOES! HAHA, WELL MAYBE MINE DOES TOO. AREN'T WE ALL SO AMAZING!!" I'd liken sitting through this hot pile of garbage now to a root canal, but I've personally experienced a root canal and lemme tell ya folks, a root canal is more enjoyable.

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THAT BEING SAID, there is one way the Oscars can win me back this February.

How, you ask? Oh, you didn't ask. Cool, I'm going to tell you anyway. If the Academy has one ounce of integrity, they will give this Kingsford Charcoal ad starring Bartolo Colon way-too early consideration for "Best Picture." I'll even settle for that stupid new everybody-gets-a-trophy category "Outstanding Popular Film":

While we're at it, throw Big Sexy a nomination for "Best Actor" as well. The way he delivers that "No days off" quote is right up there with Clint Eastwood's "Go ahead, make my day":

The emotion, the passion. Seriously, this is the best film I've watched in at least the last five years, not that that's saying a lot . I haven't seen one of the 28 Avengers movies that are definitely all different and super unique yet , so maybe I should reserve that judgement. Either way, get 'Tolo to the Oscars.

RELATED: Bartolo Colon takes 102-mph line-drive right off the gut, says his 'big belly' can take it, naturally

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