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This crazy list of prop bets is the only reason to watch a Miami Dolphins game this season

September 18, 2019

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How bad are the Miami Dolphins? After a 59-10 romp at the hands of the Baltimore Ravens in Week 1, Westgate Las Vegas Superbook raised the team's Super Bowl odds to a staggering 10,000(!) to 1. Then after a 43-0 beatdown by the New England Patriots in Week 2, those odds doubled. At this point, the Fish stink so bad that even The Office's Kevin Malone would know to stay away.

But while Westgate and others try to figure out proper point spreads for this pathetic bunch (they are currently three-TOUCHDOWN underdogs against the Dallas Cowboys in Week 3) one sportsbook has come up with a creative list of prop bets that actually make this tanking team of tanked mammals worth watching. In fact, this might be the most anyone has cared about the Miami Dolphins since Ace Ventura. Anyway, let's run through these bets:

Will cameras catch a Dolphins player eating on sidelines during a game?
Yes +300
No -500

Didn't this very thing help Marshawn Lynch?

Will cameras catch a Dolphins player using cell phone on sidelines during a game?
Yes +500
No -1000

To be fair, you should be able to check how your fantasy team is doing when you're real team is losing by more than 40.

Will a Dolphins player tweet during a game?
Yes +200
No -300

Shouldn't this be higher odds than the cell phone bet? Won't a player need a cell phone to send out a tweet? Or is Ryan Fitzpatrick going to set up desktop computer on the sidelines?

Will a Dolphins player be suspended?
Yes +200
No -300

Can you be suspended for whatever the heck this running back was doing on this play?

How many Dolphins players will be traded before the deadline?
Over 4.5
Under 4.5

Do they even have five players left that any other team would want? (Googles Dolphins roster) Nope. The under is a lock.

Will the Dolphins announce a sellout the rest of the season?
Yes +500
No -1000

Not unless they're doing a Mercedes give-away day.

Will the Dolphins partner with Bang Bros for a promotion during the season?
Yes +1500
No -3000

Wait, where the heck did this come from?! I mean. . . what the heck is Bang Bros. . .

Will the Dolphins sign Colin Kaepernick?
Yes +1500
No -3000

Seriously, if they want to put fannies in the seats, why not?

Will the Dolphins sign Tim Tebow?
Yes +5000
No -10000


How many games will the Dolphins lose by 40 or more points?
Over 4
Under 4

Gotta go with the under here. . . right? These guys are professionals. . . right?

Will the Dolphins lose by 40 or more points in Week 3?
Yes +700
No -1500

Again, it's FORTY points! Show some pride! DO IT FOR DON SHULA!

Will the Dolphins go 0-16?
Yes +500
No -1000

Wouldn't that be something if the only NFL franchise to ever have a perfect season winds up becoming only the third team to go 0-16? Honestly, 5 to 1 is decent value—especially if they sign Tebow.