Spend enough time on Twitter and you're bound to run into a plethora of jokes, memes and GIFs that have been driven so far into the ground that you feel like you're buried down there with them. "Hate to see it," "rent free," "inject this content into my veins," etc. etc. Each one is more overplayed than the last, yet people keep on going back to the well. It is what it is. You hate to see it. These jokes live rent-free in my head. Please, stop injecting them into my veins, if you'd be so kind.
But there is one overused joke that somehow, some way, is always good for a laugh. One that no matter what the situation is, it works. No matter who makes the joke, it works. The joke that I am referring to is any time the number 69 is referenced, whether it be a percentage of something, the score of a game, the amount of votes in your Twitter poll, or whatever it may be, everyone says "nice." If you don't understand why everyone says "nice," well, you're probably alone in that regard. Also, it's pretty NSFW. Figure it out.
Why am I breaking down the "69, nice" joke in a post about college football? Because our college football star of the week is SEC Network play-by-play man Tom Hart, who made one of the most perfectly-timed and delivered 69 jokes we've ever heard DURING the broadcast of the Texas A&M at Ole Miss game on Saturday night. With the ball on their own 31-yard line in the first quarter, Ole Miss called upon running back Jerrion Ealy, who broke free and took it the distance to give the Rebels a 6-3 lead. Hart, after doing some quick math in his head, nailed the call:
You simply cannot teach this kind of awareness in broadcasting, folks. Hart's call obviously went viral, which accomplished two amazing things: 1. it made the ESPN suits cringe and 2. it made people Google "who made the 69 joke on SEC Network," thus earning himself some serious clout and doing a number on everyone's search history. Some might say Tom Hart captured the hearts of many a college football fan with this epic call on Saturday night in Oxford. Follow this man on Twitter immediately. He deserves it.
If not for Tom Hart, a broadcaster you may have heard of would have been our CFB star this week. We are of course talking about Gus Johnson, who was on the call for Oklahoma's latest smackdown of an inferior Big 12 opponent. In the middle of said smackdown of West Virginia, the famous "Sooner Schooner" was making its usual rounds after OU's billionth touchdown of the game, and it took a massive spill, sending two people in it crashing into the ground. It's almost like having live animals run out in front 85,000 screaming fans multiple times a game could eventually backfire. But what do I know!
Anyway, after the Schooner went down, FOX couldn't help but show the slow-mo replay, and Johnson delivered as he often does:
The funniest part is (here's where I need to mention everyone is OK), I don't think she was rolling to protect herself. I think it was just the momentum of the fall that caused her to roll like a rag doll. But that didn't stop Gus from breaking it down. So good. Joel Klatt did a great job not bursting out in laughter. I must say, as good as the "watch her ability to roll" was from Gus, I preferred his "WATCH THIS, FOLKS!"
I'm a man of simple taste. Want to see two people go flying off a wagon? "WATCH THIS, FOLKS!"
Mason's been the head coach at Vanderbilt since 2014, compiling an overall record of 26-43, which obviously doesn't look great on paper. But by Vanderbilt football standards, he's been more than serviceable. The Commodores have been to two bowl games in the last three years under his watch. Prior to 2011, when James Franklin's three-year tenure began, Vandy had made one bowl game since 1983. Mason and Franklin have led them to the postseason five of the last eight years. Again, by Vandy standards, that's quite good.
In addition to going 6-7, Mason is also very good at firing his team up and giving an A+ postgame interview. Following his team's victory over Mizzou as a three-touchdown underdog on Saturday, Mason was in peak form:
Amen. Got to love Mason's passion. A football guy through and through. Just make sure nobody tells him Vandy lost to UNLV at home last week.
Max Duggan? You mean Marshawn Lynch?
Seriously, tell me that stiff arm didn't remind you of the Beast Quake? What a run from the freshman quarterback. Unfortunately, his Horned Frogs lost, dropping them to 3-3 on the year.
Kiffin's FAU Owls lost a 36-31 heartbreaker at home to Marshall on Friday night, and, judging by this tweet from our boy Lane, the refs may have played a factor:
This right here is why Lane is the best. The tweet is still up. I repeat, the tweet is STILL up even after he was fined $5,000 for it by Conference USA, who he @'d in the tweet. Best part? He said he didn't want to get into the officiating when asked about it after the game. Then he promptly tweeted about the officiating:
Naturally, Kiffin responded to this tweet Sunday night after the fine:
Never change, Lane.
Joe Burrow's ass
Don't really need to explain this one. NSFW:
Give this man the Heisman right this second.