If you've never heard of the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake, just picture the most English sport you can imagine, add a pinch of American redneck and a dash of Jackass, and you're on the right track. Hosted on England's Spring Bank Holiday for as long as anyone cares to remember, the infamous cheese roll is a semi-organized free-for-all in which intrepid residents of Brockworth are joined by dairy denizens from around the world to chase a nine-pound wheel of Double Gloucester cheese down the steepest hill you've ever seen.
Chaos and concussions invariably ensue, and this year—despite humanity's growing emphasis on NOT bruising your brain—was more of the same gloriously random stupidity. OPEN THE FLOODGATES, JEEVES:
The chief footnote of this year's cracked rib festival was the performance of Chris Anderson, who became the race's all-time record holder by claiming his 21st double Gloucester cheese wheel on Monday. According to The Guardian, the 14-year participant has averaged two cheese wheels per year (the race is run three times per holiday), despite breaking his ankle in 2005, bruising his kidneys in 2010, and tearing his left calf muscle during this year's edition.
Speaking of which, someone check on this guy. He might actually be dead.