The cheap man’s guide to free Masters souvenirs

AUGUSTA, Ga,—With the possible exception of Scottie Scheffler, Tiger Woods, and select other golfers competing at Augusta National, the main topic of interest around the Masters is merchandise. In no other context is a simple logo so valuable. Every other club should be kicking itself for not thinking of it first. Then they'd have the Masters.

At Golf Digest, we’ve given plenty of air time to assorted logoed merchandise, from our list of 15 items worth buying, to this enterprising attempt to (sort of) rack up a $36,000 bill in the merchandise shop. Our rivals at Golf.com have even explored the popularity behind the $2 beer cups that many fans store for the trip home.

But all of those items, from the extravagant to decidedly less so, revolve around a level of investment. As we see it, that’s too boring, because if you look hard enough—and especially if you score a press credential—there are ways to show off your Masters trip without spending a dime.

For example . . .

Coffee Cups

I drink too much coffee, especially on the long days of a major championship. Sometimes I’ll think, I don’t really need another cup of coffee. Yet I always need another one of these cool cups, so that wins out.

Sugar packets

I stopped putting sugar in my coffee several years ago. But when they ask if I “take sugar with my coffee,” I do. I take the sugar and put it right in my pocket.

Water bottles

The only thing I drink more than coffee at majors is water. Hydration is important. Almost as important as scoring more of these water bottles.

Wax paper

When you order a salad in the press dining room, it comes with this logoed wax paper, which is not something I ever thought I needed. Like, I can’t think of a scenario in which I’d serve my guests food with wax paper—unless I wanted to show off to a guest that I’ve been to the Masters, and then I totally would.

Sandwiches

There are generally believed to be two kinds of Masters people: those who love pimento cheese sandwiches, and those who tried them once, and immediately regretted it. I submit there’s a third category of people who are in it just for the green wrapper, forget they had a sandwich in their bag from four months ago, and end up having to apologize to their spouse.

Cookies

The problem with these chocolate chip cookies is that they’re chocolate chip cookies, and I’m incapable of not eating them when they’re sitting in front of me. I’ve never had one of these packages intact for longer than 11 seconds.

Napkins

Given the preponderance of food items in my collection, paired with the fact that I am not what you would call a “neat person,” I am already intimately familiar with the assortment of napkins here. Basically there are two kinds—cocktail napkins for cleaning up small spills, and the thicker stock for when you’ve just had your first taste of a pimento cheese sandwich and quicky have to spit it out.

Hand Sanitizer Dispenser & Coffee Urn

To this point I’ve avoided anything that would be considered “larceny,” yet a part of me thinks the club would applaud my devotion to hand hygiene by trying to walk out with a 4-foot Masters-logoed hand sanitizer dispenser. As for the coffee urn, like with a few other items, extra points are given since it says “Augusta National Golf Club” instead of “Masters” because it suggests I might have won it in a club member-guest. Does Augusta National actually give away this sort of thing at a member-guest? At this rate, I’m unlikely to find out.