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The Loop

The 15 most ridiculous things you can buy from the NBA Store

October 17, 2017

As another exciting season of Warriors exhibition basketball NBA action tips off, the time has come to wear your fandom, quite literally, on your sleeve. Thanks to the NBA Store’s infinitely hilarious treasure trove of hardcourt trinkets, however, intrepid ballers can now proudly brandish it on their face, ass, cuticles, wrists, and Christmas trees as well. So without further ado—because we have some actual games to get to—The Loop is pleased to present the 15 most ridiculous NBA Store finds on earth. Happy hunting, superfans.

Perfect for busting Jim Buss’s balls.

Good luck ever sleeping again, children of the Tri State.

XXX. ALL THE HOT DUNKS YOU CAN HANDLE.

FUN FACT: This Cavaliers 2016 championship chronograph is worth more than the city of Cleveland.

AKA the only exciting thing about Chicago Bulls basketball this season.

Gotta start ‘em young...so that when you inevitably stop rooting for the Warriors in a year and a half, your child will be doomed to suffer three decades of basketball futility out of some misguided sense of duty.

It washes off. Perfect for bandwagon fans!

When Jimmy Butler goes down with an achilles injury before November, you can also drink this and pray for sweet release.

Because 30 wins is just a spin away. #TrustTheProcess

And you thought Porzingis was scary…

Rollin’ out on a new episode of Diner, Drive-Ins, and Flops!

Perfect for carving Jack Nicholson o’ lanterns. Thank you, thank you. We’re here all week.

Not compatible with Manu Ginobili’s aging corpse.

Ahh, the memories.

No really, WTF.