Nope

Sweet dreams, this Texas theater is hosting a clowns-only ‘IT’ screening

August 24, 2017

Earlier this summer, beloved dine-in movie theater chain Alamo Drafthouse pissed off the Twitter-basement-dwelling #GuysLivesMatter crowd when they announced women’s-only screenings for Wonder Woman. HOW DARE THEY DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ME FOR HAVING A PENIS IN THE SAME WAY I HAVE DISCRIMNATED AGAINST THEM FOR NOT howled the Gamer Gate-sympathizing mouthbreathers who have never spoke to a woman long enough to consider them a living, breathing entity anyway. But Alamo held firm and the y-chromosome-less screenings went ahead as planned, and everybody moved on to bigger fish fries, like Russian spies, neo-Nazis, and the inevitable heat death of the universe.

Yep, it’s been a tough year.

This fall, however, Alamo Drafthouse’s original Austin haunt is taking their selective showtime troll-job to a whole new level with a clown-only screening for the upcoming (and mattress-wetting) adaptation of Stephen King’s iconic horror novel, IT.

Now if you’re not familiar with IT, lucky you. Sleep and non-homicidal neighborhood recreation are healthy for children, doctors tell us. Even if you’re completely new this story, however, the conceit is no doubt a familiar one: A small town is haunted by an evil force that manifests itself as Pennywise, a murderous clown who lures children to the slaughter with a fateful red balloon.

The backwater horror buzz is through the roof on this one and all signs point to IT being one of the most profitable films of 2017, but in order to watch experience it in the most authentic way imaginable (well, outside of the Arkham Asylum common room, at least), there is a catch: If you want to get in on that pure, unshackled insanity—and loose two decades worth of repressed night terrors in the process—you will need to get your squeaky red nose and yellow-pantalooned ass to Texas by Saturday, September 9th at 7pm. Good luck and enjoy the show, freaks.


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